Truckstories

 

So I can't even see the photos I've just uploaded but, I'm going to write these notes anyway ~

I just attended the online opening of this show (sign of the times) and I have to say it was really, really nice to see a lot of familiar faces from so long ago, again ~ it was wonderful <3 The show looked AMAZING and I really wish I could be there on site to see it ~ as always (and for one last time) it was my privilege to have participated in an Ang INK exhibit, particularly this one for their big three-oh ~

So yeah. Jillanotes for this one ^_^

So, yeah. Truck is gone (I remember calling it LRT (little red truck) for a while but since we do actually have a train back here called that the name never stuck (nor did "firetruck" (perhaps owing to that viral video with the toddler who couldn't pronounce it ^^) >> Truck left me (or well, technically he was TAKEN from me long before he left) about the time I started this piece, and since Truck did actually accompany me on many an adventure I had with INK... so that's me as a horsey driving the truck </3 (I can't even remember the last time I drove it ~ because it wouldn't start for ME anymore </3) (Heck I didn't even have the KEYS to it anymore </3)

So if you look closely from the top row going left to right ~ I put the pompoms on strings from when we did our 20th anniversary show (those had always made a big impression on me and I heard Liza-san used to make those for their old restaurant Chocolate Kiss </3). There's the Siopao and the Siomai I made for another INK show, the little girl from ANOTHER INK show... the whale I made for those WWF postcards... Supercal the carousel horse I made for another INK show... 

That's my grandmother flying over the truck > cos it was her idea for me to join INK in the first place (owe you one for that, Lols ^_^*)... There's the avian from this story I made up called Under the Moon (didn't amount to anything, just remember entering it into some illustration contest I didn't win haha) ~ then the caterpillar I made for INK's 20th...

(So I'm moving like a typewriter here haha (do you remember typewriters ^O^**) 

Back to the left, next row, that's the old lady who had a Magic Blanket (the one that shows the dreams of whoever it's on while they're sleeping), Galileo (who I drew during some workshop I attended (Barlaya?) back at the Vargas Museum... one of the shokoys I made for an INK book about Philippine mythological creatures... there's Lam-Ang (from another INK show piece), and after Lola , you'll see the doggo from my Potatobots painting which I gave to the last INK show I joined before this one.

Back to the left next row again, there's the Land Wind god and the Sea Wind goddess (I don't think I made them for a contest but not sure I did them for an INK show either)... the Moon and the Sun from the first INK postcard book I was in (I don't think I was ever in an INK postcard book again since then LOL), me driving the truck (notice the truck has a halo like Lola cos they are both gone now) ~ then Goldilocks (from the Goldilocks and the 3 Vampires story I illustrated for another failed attempt at an illustration contest (I have so many hahahhaha > I only lose the best competitions ^____^)

Back to the left *typewriter kaching* again > That's one of the star babies of the Moon and the Sun ~ and moving past the gabi leaf the Sun was supposed to have struck his wife the Moon with and me in the truck again (I still have my pink tails in my human form too haha), you'll see the white dog from my book How Long Till September.

Back to the left once more time, you'll see Tala and Tagak from that story my classmate and I made up back at Fine Arts, the Tarantula and Beppo the monkey from another INK show piece, and one of the cats from my audition piece for a book that explained why cats are coloured the way they are (they got someone else to illustrate it ^_^;) ~ and then finally yeah, some *magic swirls* and bits of jello and beans from the book they did get me illustrate in the end ^^;

So yeah I don't think I missed anybody ~ in the picture, anyway > I realise there were a lot more I might've crammed in there but I guess like pretty much everything (or well a good 90+%) I create this baby was crammed, too ~ but I did try to put a little more TLC into it because this would be the last, and, well, over all I am very glad and very grateful to have been an INKie.

So yeah I guess this was my INK Story ~ you can read more about how I came to be a member if you're interested over at the Jillablog (the photos over there should be fine lol). But what's an even better idea is for you to go check out the exhibit preview on Facebook ~ glad I got to tell you my INK Stories here, because you'll forget all about em when you see the absolute treasures in store for you over there <3

Black Carousel Horse

 

Today I kicked off my first email giveaway ^__^ High time, really, seeing as I should've done it about half a year ago ~ but this post isn't so much about the top horsey (which is destined for someone kind enough to want it enough to join my giveaway) but the horsey in the middle.

See, I had a class back at art school and for that class, I got over to a place called Fiesta Carnival, a sort of uh, carnival under a roof near where my dad used to live when he was little ~ it doesn't exist anymore / I'm pretty sure they built a mall or whatever on top of it by now, but anyway it had been there for like a while, I think, when I got over there to take photos for that class. The photo this horsey was based on was one of those, and I remember going there to shoot when the place was closed, during the day (a school day, even) so there weren't any people ~ but I think I might've liked to have gone during its hey-day at night.

Anyway so this oil on canvas was painted for that class, and I remember the professor (God rest him) took one look at it and told me my work was shallow ^___^ (But I guess he made enough of an impact on me for me to mention him twice in my writings ~ now that I think of it I remember mentioning him when I wrote about how I ran into him some time after graduation and he told me he wasn't surprised I had a job (i.e. because I wouldn't make it as an artist)

Anyway, fast forward 20 years later to the horsey I made for my email giveaway ~ I don't know why but I had the Fiesta Carnival carousel horsey in the back of my mind when I made my watercolour. Sentiment, I suppose; in any case, it isn't actually called 'Black Carousel Horse'; in my files it's called 'Untitled (Black Carousel Horse)' (and uh, 'giveaway horse' ^___^) ~ nor should it be, in truth because it actually isn't black at all (at least, the one in the top photo, anyway; I think I did use black-black (Mars) for the one in the middle).

If you look real closely (or well, if you somehow manage to see the original), it's a mix of ultramarine, carmine, viridian and lemon yellow. You can see the mix somewhat on my palette in the bottom, WIP photo. I still have a thing about using black-black, because of that thing they told me when I was 12 in that art gallery I was taking lessons at. I remember referring to it as a black carousel horse on the giveaway landing page, though ^___^; 

And speaking of landers, if you happen to see this before 7th August, you might want to, you know. See if my new horsey might find a new home with you ^___^ > Join my email giveaway

On A Sunday Afternoon

 

I'm pretty sure I've quoted that scene in that anime movie before ~ you know, the one about the 13-year-old witch? About how flying used to be fun until she started doing it for a living (at least, that's how it was dubbed). 

That's not to say I don't enjoy painting. I do; I feel more alive when I *art*; even high sometimes. But I think (I hope) you know what I mean.

I did these on Sundays when I just wanted to chill out ~ just *play* with the paint. Or well, I did for the "draw this in your own style" thingies I did (that's the plants and the pilandok), anyway. But I also *only* really painted my fairiest of fairy goddaughters to amuse myself, primarily ~ I still want to make like a full scale something based on that someday.

I'm also pretty sure I've written (about) this before ~ about how I want to go back to, you know. A more fun, a more pure, more spontaneous way of *arting* for me. Where it's just *fun* again, you know? No pressure or whatever. Not caring, letting go of OC me. I want to find that part of myself again, I mean, I know it's still in there, somewhere. I hope. I lost it along the way, towards... whatever it is I am now. 

I just want to go back. I want to really, enjoy it, again ~ I mean, you know what I mean, I hope. 

Like not *doing it for a living*. And I have this theory that the work will come out better ~ because isn't that what it's all about? To keep getting better at it? (You see what I mean, about it being fun again lol) 

But you know what I mean, I hope. Because art is really, a happy thing. Or at least it should be? For me, anyway. And it is. For me. Really. Otherwise, I wouldn't be doing it. It's just... you know what I mean! Rekindling that you know what. 

I'm so ready to do that re-igniting, so ready to be happy ~ oh, so ready...

Hothouse

 

I can't think of a single show I've had where I didn't wish I had more time or circumstances were ideal or more conducive to making things or that things were different. This show was no exception. In any case before this becomes a vent-fest I guess I'll just share my exhibit notes for this series, here:

‘O Tiger-lily,’ said Alice, addressing herself to one that was waving gracefully about in the wind, ‘I wish you could talk!’

‘We can talk,’ said the Tiger-lily: ‘when there’s anybody worth talking to.’

Alice was so astonished that she could not speak for a minute: it quite seemed to take her breath away. At length, as the Tiger-lily only went on waving about, she spoke again, in a timid voice—almost in a whisper. ‘And can all the flowers talk?’

‘As well as you can,’ said the Tiger-lily. ‘And a great deal louder.’

- Through the Looking-Glass, Lewis Carroll

It’s safe and warm inside a hothouse.

Everything cold, parasitical and destructive is kept out, and conditions are ideal for blooming and growing. 

Who gets to be in the hothouse?

Is it just the rare and exotic? The strange and unusual? The strikingly, outstandingly beautiful? 

What about the everyday, garden-variety species? The “weeds”?

By-the-wayside can be beautiful, too, and worth preserving.

Life in a hothouse can be pretty laid back. 

Everything you need is provided for and all you have to do is grow and look your best. And be yourself. 

You have a place here because of who and what you are. 

It’s not a bad way to live, if you’re a homebody and have no interest in what goes on outside of the hothouse walls.

But if you’re the type whose seeds need to travel on the wind, this may not be the environment for you, however much you’re welcome to stay and are, in fact, highly encouraged to, these days.

Maybe you’re better off getting to know your fellow “inmates” and hoping that sooner, rather than later, more of you join you in this safe haven—until the day everybody has a place here where they can feel wanted, and protected. 

~

If you have a few minutes to spare, an aptitude for first person shooters or a penchant for talking to plants, may I invite you to visit the Hothouse.

Closing Time

"You don't have to go home but you can't, stay, here~"

How do you leave some of the biggest supporters your practice has ever known? With difficulty. How do you make something as a small thank you for all all all their support? With (bittersweet) pleasure.

The dancing, cello and violin-playing bears I made because I was asked to. The horseys in the forests and fields, I made because I wanted to give my "one fan"-slash-the only person who EVER read anything I wrote, something that was *me* to say I really, truly appreciated it <3

It wasn't the eye-straining smallness of the details in the kumablobs (which were even smaller, I think than the llamablobs) that made the Musical Bears so difficult, or getting my ancient stamp pad to work for the reverse sides of the postcards, a pain. It was how it (like the Mellencamp song went) "hurt so good".

I really, truly wish that things were different and that I might've been able to hang on for just a liiiittle bit longer. It didn't make sense for me to leave people who've supported my art like no one else in my writing career ever had before. But as I was repeatedly told, it was never about friendship; it was just business ~ I owed nothing to anyone, and that anyone who stayed out of guilt or a sense of obligation wasn't welcome to stay.

Well, like the song goes, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end". It's a year of new beginnings for me, not the least of which is how I'm starting a new chapter in my art career. I'm scared, yes, and still feeling my way around, but I'm also super looking forward to stuff with fresh hope that somehow, things are going to get better for me ~ and for those I've left behind ~ from here on out.